Articles

  • How much are people responsible for their governments?

    One country, the same eastern border. Thousands of people are trying to cross it each day, fleeing from war and inhumane conditions. In the south, there are hundreds of volunteers distributing food and toiletries, then helping everyone find shelter and transportation. Most of them are ordinary people volunteering in their private time, with the support […]


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  • Can people ever change?

    Can people ever change?

    When I think of my life just a few years ago, the answer is a definite yes. Unlike today, I was depressed and miserable, drinking and smoking a lot, and acted in ways that were needy, unpleasant, and often outright hostile. I like to think about myself as a reasonable grownup person who behaves in mature and compassionate ways. I like to think I’ve always been this way, and any proof to the contrary makes me panic a little bit, even after all these years. A part of me still worries everyone would instantly abandon me if they found out how horrible I was.

  • If my poor cactus could talk

    If my poor cactus could talk

    I have a confession to make. I’ve made a cactus spend a few years in my kitchen cupboard. I don’t even remember how it happened at first. But every few months I would open that cupboard by accident, think “Holy shit, I totally forgot about the cactus!”, then immediately close it back. Just looking at it made me paralysed with guilt. It took me a few years to acknowledge that yes, I have a dying cactus in my kitchen, that’s only dying because of what I did, I ran away from this problem a million times already, and it’s not helping.

  • Would you dare to trust your body?

    Would you dare to trust your body?

    When was the first time you thought there’s something wrong with your body? I might have been only 5 or 6. Ever since then, a large part of my life was an uphill battle to lose weight, and to keep it off afterwards. Only recently I managed to quit this wicked game. Dieting felt wrong on so many levels, and yet I persisted, thinking it’s the only thing that will help me reach my dream bodyweight. Then after a few months of struggle I finally reached my dream number on scale, and slowly relaxed the regime, first a little bit, then a little bit more. All that struggle and sacrifice lasted for less than a year. Two years later I’ve regained twice the total weight I’d previously lost.

  • What else has to happen before you follow your dreams?

    What else has to happen before you follow your dreams?

    “Don’t forget, you’re going to die.” Yeah, whatever. Of course I am not going to live forever, unless maybe science comes up with something? Like every great truth, it sounds obvious to the point of cliché. And like every great truth it’s no longer banal when it manifests somehow in your own life.

  • Teaching children to walk, the safe and empowering way

    Teaching children to walk, the safe and empowering way

    I don’t remember how it’s like to learn how to walk. According to my parents, it was a painful process for everyone involved. I managed to master the art of getting up and gaining speed long before I was able to decelerate and sit safely back down. In result, for the first few weeks I kept smashing my head against a wall or a piece of furniture with full speed. If my parents didn’t supervise me 24/7, the results could be tragic. I’m not alone in my problems related to learning to walk. My fiancé started doing it long before his bone structure was ready, and has had his hip misaligned ever since. It’s almost as if Nature designed this process in a very irresponsible manner. If I were to do that, I’d make sure accidents of such kind never happen, and every kid has a chance of learning to walk in a safe and empowering environment.

  • If you’re going through hell, keep going… A few thoughts on depression and hope.

    If you’re going through hell, keep going… A few thoughts on depression and hope.

    I never really talked about this publicly because it’s painful, and embarrassing, and super crazy scary. Only a few years ago I got to believe that people might genuinely like me. I didn’t want to ruin this by saying something that will make everyone think I’m too toxic and emotionally unstable to be a sort of a person they want in their lives.  But if I changed so much over the last few years, perhaps someone reading this and feeling like their world is ending might find some hope, courage and strength for themselves in my story.

  • How much trust do you have in the ground beneath you? – What navigating underwater taught me about navigating through life.

    How much trust do you have in the ground beneath you? – What navigating underwater taught me about navigating through life.

    Every once in a while my trust in the ground beneath gets shattered. Something I believed would not be going to happen suddenly happens, and leaves me stumped. I’m in a new situation where my old habits and ways of problem solving no longer work. People change so much I can hardly recognize them. Communities fail to give me the support and care I need. Someone I used to admire doesn’t seem that wise anymore. This process is both scary and exciting, just like the free fall. If things so basic and obvious start to fall apart, what will happen next? Will I ever be able to trust anything or anyone again?

  • Why would anyone jump into a freezing cold lake? There’s at least one good reason why.

    Why would anyone jump into a freezing cold lake? There’s at least one good reason why.

    This weekend I learned a great deal about what courage is. It’s knowing that scuba diving in freezing cold water is an absolutely awful and unpleasant experience because you’ve just learned it firsthand, and then still choosing to do the same fucking awful thing again the next day because you’ve signed up for it. And choosing to do it with a smile. Why would anyone go diving in freezing cold water? For a while I was wondering why I’m doing this to myself. Yet somehow out of all the possible ways to spend a December weekend I chose to get my ass wet in a freezing cold lake.

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